When I finally found a "niche" where I really felt it was a right "fit", everything suddenly went smoothly and my awful depression went away.
I hadn’t felt that feeling of being in the right place in many years, and the frustration of not being able to find such an existence was driving me to suicidal thoughts. I felt completely out of touch with myself and the universe, like an extra piece of a puzzle where I didn’t fit anywhere.
Only a few events in my life have given me such a feeling of correct "placement"
I’ve been somewhat spoiled in that I’ve even had such feelings of perfect "placement" - many never do. Very spoiled, actually. Not having that feeling is excruciating for me, having tasted it so many times.
Hope, according to the therapist Yoshi Naigachi, is that waiting with the knowing that the "sun will rise again", suddenly and unexpectedly, with no possibility of planning for it or creating it except as preparedness for its serendipitous arrival so we notice when it is right in front of us - when it has arrived. All we can do is keep our eyes open for the opportunity, for it will arise; it will occur, if we keep hope alive, for hope is that simultaneous yearning for such moments and the expectancy that what we seek will occur. Our needs will be filled.
It is as if the universe needs time to adjust to be able to fulfill more complex "requests" or make preparations for our arrival into such time periods. One thing I know for sure, though, is that once you have lived in such a state of "being in the right place", living out of that feeling is miserable. You feel out of touch with yourself and feel as if the universe has abandoned you - as if you are already dead, but your body lives on - awkwardly; having no purpose in being here; wandering in and out of strange situations and existences where you don’t feel you "belong"; a stranger everywhere you go; a misfit; an accident. Awful feeling!
Hope requires some action to be consummated into being culminated - events crystallize into becoming by serendipity and one has to be moving around for such placement to find itself - it does not come to a person, the person has to go to it, and with hope and confidence, being a "moving body" will precipitate the arrival of such moments. Routine movements or staying at home will not bring such things about! It will not "happen" at work or on the way to or from work. It will not arrive by telephone or via an ad or program on TV or the radio. It won’t arrive in the mail. The fact is, it will not "arrive" at all - you have to be the one who arrives, physically placing yourself in an unusual position, changing your routine, going somewhere you normally do not go. Doing something you normally don’t do. By doing so, suddenly it will strike you that you have found what you are looking for, and you will know with utter certainty that you are in the right place - that "this is it"! Peace of mind will fill you - you will have no doubts as to your future success in this place, thorough confidence will fill you, happiness will return very quickly - instantly even.
However, you cannot seem to speed things up by simply doing lots of odd things and going lots of odd places - not exactly… but you can be in more positions of feeling like you fit in nicely, even if not perfectly yet, by doing more odd things and going to more odd places and interacting with the people in those situations - but you will know with clarity and certainty when you are actually at that right place where all else is going to emanate - the place where your life will radiate with brilliance and clear energy.
In a nutshell, then, it will come to you, but you also have to go to it.
A caveat: We seem to know when the universe is not yet ready to deliver our "moments", somehow. This creates feelings of frustration and lethargy. We stay at home, fall into routines, keep at our work, engage in small talk and intellectual discourse with people, help others with their problems - unless depression engulfs us and we cannot get up the energy to do even these daily "treading water" activities, and we begin to drown in our misery, giving up on activity altogether. This, of course, does not work very well at bringing us around to meeting with the right place and time, but sometimes we are seemingly "aware" that such a place and time do not yet exist for us, and that brings about worry that we have been disconnected from the universe somehow (though in reality that is a falsity and an untruth, for we are always connected, and the universe IS adapting to our hopes and needs, just more slowly than is comfortable ofttimes). The more connectedness we desire, the longer it takes the universe to adjust to such needs, it seems.
So, what can you do in the meantime to avoid depression? Get outside of yourself and give of yourself to others as regularly as possible is one answer. When even hobbies have lost their appeal, you can always at least get away from the TV and out of the house to find people needing help somehow. You can be there to be their "right place" helping them get through their own time of waiting for their hope to be fulfilled - everybody is either in their "place" or they are waiting for that "place" to arrive. Helping people get out of their routines may help you be in "place" in odd ways, temporarily and short-lived experiences of being in the perfect place as you help others arrive in their own "place" where they will recognize their time and place have appeared, and you have helped them to get there. Of course, once this mission is accomplished, you will still be awaiting your own fulfillment, and hope is the drive and vision that keeps you seeking such a time. Always nurture hope this way. Always nurture hope!
But some manifestations, particularly those not involving groups of people or becoming part of a "movement", take place instantaneously, miraculously, and seem very much like magical occurrences in response to our needs, wishes, desires and choices. The "Three Dollar Bills" story of mine, the "Green Lights to Soho" story and similar parking-space stories, and others are examples of miracle-like manifestations of the universe in response to need or choices. These are fine examples of the universe at work doing our bidding after the manner of "ask and ye shall receive", but they cannot work where other people are involved, for then it deteriorates into manipulation of others, which always, always, always deteriorates the relationship between people and their spiritual connectivity with one another. Still, it is important to note the manner in which such "miracles" occur and the ease one can confidently take in manifesting such miracles. Such confidence waxes and wanes, and benefits from being around other people who also experience miracles and firmly believe in people’s ability to manifest such things universally.
I have, throughout my life, traveled the strenuous path of self differentiation - the intrinsic causes being my own inner spiritual drives, choices, quests for knowledge and experience, and the quest ultimately for wisdom. This has led me to accumulate a great store of knowledge and experiences. I have hidden this aspect of myself from view in the interest of humility, but eventually the time comes when humility surpasses its bounds and becomes no longer useful for others, and one must instead insist upon respect and acknowledgement in recognition of what is available to offer in order to help others. Yet the first tenant of wisdom is that even the wisest of people is no better than any other, and in fact, the first wisdom acquired is that of recognizing one’s own self as being as the servant of all others.
This sort of wisdom of self differentiation with compassion towards all other beings is the strongest place for producing results that are in harmony with both oneself and with all other beings, but it seems to take some time for such a harmonious engagement to take place that satisfies all of the criteria. Yet, for such outcomes, patience is worthwhile. Hopefully, those awaiting such outcomes will avoid depression by holding that thought in their minds, keeping their hope aligned with the confidence that they WILL manifest the reality they desire, in accord with the harmony of becoming, and then being, attuned with all other beings. This has to take time, so give it the time it needs, and wait. There is so much truth to the adage, "All things come to them who wait!" Have patience, wait it out, keep your eyes and ears open for opportunities, and keep moving till you’ve moved into that "right place!" You will know when you have arrived there with clear and utter certainty!
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